Sunday, January 01, 2006

D.I.S.T.I.L.L.E.D Completely

Before, I set you off on my Distilled adventure, I would like to wish all of you a very Happy New year, and here’s to it bringing you amongst other things, a better looking partner and a better looking bank account.

Something, I did leave out in the first edition, was that at exactly 12’ midnight on that same night, I was to attend my good buddy’s surprise birthday party. Due to obvious contingencies, I couldn’t attend, however I did succeed in surprising him.

This was how it went...

Birthday buddy: The Surprise is over man, where are you?

Me: SURPPPPRISSEEE !! I’m in the cop station. Oh and by the way, Happy Birthday!

So, it was about 1 AM and me, Dr.Saab, the Aussie wanker and a couple of other droogs were banished again into the jeep, as we headed back to our tavern.

In hindsight, I must compliment the brilliant conceptualization (default or design) of the police jeeps in our city. Once you are a passenger in one of these police jeeps, you have absolutely no idea where you are heading. So, in actual effect when you expect to see a welcoming sight like

You actually end up seeing something like this,

Or to be more precise,


To be quite honest, I was more than a wee bit surprised, when I saw the ghastly sight. Vivid images of ugly looking nurses poking long needles into various parts of my body started flashing quickly through my mind. Next to me, was Dr.Saab. Re-assuring as ever, calmed me down,

“I’m the night patrol doctor, three nights a week at college. They can quite easily tell a drunk person, from a sober person so just answer the questions honestly and everything should go smoothly”

The Five of us, “The Forlorn five” were made to assemble and sit on a bench. Very soon, “The Forlorn five” were down to “The Forlorn four” as the Australian was whisked away to another room, which was the last we saw or heard from him. Or actually, we can’t really confirm that cause; distant screams that we heard sometime later might well actually have been him.

While waiting for what seemed like an eternity...

While doing so, we got a first person’s insight into the way a Govt. Hospital really operates.

For starters, there is exactly only one doctor.

Secondly, she is far more interested in her paper work than any of those unfortunate souls who happen to walk in.

So, as it happened ,Dr.Saab who was in his capacity as a drunken driving suspect, doubled up as a supporting doctor and started having a look at the various patients who were dropping by.

It was then finally our turn, and we were going to be interviewed for soberness. I have attended many interviews since, but looking back this was probably the most nerve wrenching as the consequences were quite obviously dire. If I did fail the interview, all those vivid images of those ugly nurses, I had had a few moments ago would well and truly take a physical form.

But by now, I was well prepared, as I calmed myself and gave them my vital stats, not to mention showed them my birth mark. Dr.Saab, did so, as well and we were now beckoned back towards that jeep.

The ordeal was over. We had cleared the interview. “The Forlorn four”, were back in their favourite mode of transportation, and were now making their way back towards the station. It was now 2:30 AM, and it had been a long night. While alighting back at the station, I noticed my fellow “villains of the night” standing alongside my familiar automobile, which I had been evicted out of almost 3 hours ago.

For some reason, I and my fellow villains exchanged extended smiles. Even taking into account our propensity for eventful nights, we had outdone ourselves this time.

On meeting the head cop, we went through the whole painful questionnaire procedure again, I was given the explanation that I would be let free (Yippeee!) provided I could provide the original insurance papers of my car.

Amazing! I thought, I could give them the papers, get back home and escape the clutches of my dad, who I suspected had been looking for an excuse to ground me for a while.

But then, most of these stories do have an untimely twist for the protagonist, don’t they? Well, this time it was those papers, that we unearthed were unfortunately not the originals but the photocopy.

What followed was the unpleasant awakening of half my family followed by their further arrival with the original papers. .

From the corner of my eye, which was now half closed, I could see Dr.Saab frantically explaining to the cops something on the lines off, “ My original papers are locked in my office in Bangalore, and the security guard there is fast asleep”

Needless to say, the journey back home was not the most conversation filled.

Donnie, went back home with another story to put on his now infamous website.

Not surprisingly, LL Cool J didn’t exactly perform spectacularly in his examination the following morning. He now finds himself, in the same college I went to.

Dr.Saab, apparently got his car back the following morning. The security guard in his office in Bangalore did finally wake up.

My Car or atleast its insurance papers, were retrieved a few days later, when I was taken to the cop station with our family cop. The stout chap seemingly gets stouter and happier every time I meet him, though he insists the various boxes of sweets and bottles of alcohol he has received from members of my family has little to do with it.

My Dad, awoke me with an ingenious document tiled “Document of Grounding”, which I have managed to preserve. I will let you guys have a look and pass your own judgment.