Sunday, November 20, 2005

DISTILLED :: A Police Story

No, Elvis is not in Jail.

Nor was I actually, but then I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.

It was another one of those Saturdays, One of those Saturdays where fortunately or unfortunately there was no unknown chappie throwing a party, we could all crash.

So, we decided to have a night camp. The only condition, being that we got back early, as one of the “Villains of the night” as it were; Cool J had the dreaded TNPCEE exam the following morning. So, Me, Donnie (Also known as Mark Joshua) and Cool J (Else unknown) planned out a sedentary evening at the local tavern Distil expecting the usual diet of a drink, some chips and a few pretty faces.

Like most evenings in our beloved city, of the 3 ingredients, only the first 2 delivered. To help us confirm that, we were greeted by the sight of 3 khaki clad men, with oversized moustaches and matching pot bellies.

The Cops were in town, and surprisingly none of their children were in the same tavern that evening.

We then took the most natural course of action, which was to leave and call it a night.

The valet pulled up my car, I got in, and I drove out of the gate.


I was like a turkey caught in the headlights, like a toddler caught in a topless bar, or whatever similar expression you might have heard Jonty Singh use.

It was a guerilla warfare operation, something Chattrapati Shivaji would have been proud of.

The bellied khaki gate crashers had positioned their cousins outside. The first man flagged me down, and asked me to blow. (No pun intended)

Relief! I was passed, only to be flagged down again by a stouter man. I did so again, and he smelt a rat or to be more precise a swig.

I blew again, and that only made him more sure.

Before, I knew it, in the dead of the night, I was whisked away by 2 other stouter khaki clad men, and no, mentions of other cops names like Pandiappan and Kuppasamy didn’t work this time.

I was huddled into one of those jeeps, you would only see in the front page of newspapers, when one those “Most wanted” criminals were bought to trial. I was whisked in, and they were 3 other people already in the jeep.

For some reason, I couldn’t help but feel that this was probably how Edmund Dantes felt in the Count of Monte Cristo. Was I being taken to the locker, and would I need 17 years to get out?!?!

It probably wasn’t the most opportune moment to be social, but hell, I figured we were all in this together. It appeared of the 3 other men, 2 seemed alright while the other confused aussie, was atleast 7 drinks down. For one he smelt like a fully stocked Tasmac kiosk apart from which he couldn’t seem to remember which part of Australia he had spent the last 4 years of his life in.

We were then joined by Dr. Saab (Mostly unknown), who assured us (or me atleast) that we had little to worry about and everything in due course would be getting back to normalcy.

We stepped out, only to notice that we were at a cop station, with only what appeared like hardened criminals giving us company.

We were made to sit around a table, like criminals awaiting death row, come to think of it; it actually reminded me of Da Vinci’s “The Last Supper”, well without the supper of course.

One by one, we were summoned into the meeting room.

And then the inquisition started.

Q1. Name Phleeez?

Q2. Address Phleeez?

Q3. Birth Mark Phleeez? (By far their favourite question)

After about half an hour of close examining, they were convinced that the spot on my left cheek was a mole after all, and we the prisoners were free to leave.

It was about 1 AM and our interrogation was over.

In no time at all, the same jeep that brought us to the cop station, would take me back to my fellow “Villains of the night”, one of whom had a big exam the next day.

Or atleast that’s what I thought….

To be continued.....


Siddhu said...

Lol! That's fucking funny, dude!

I think I'd rather get all my pubbing done here in edinburgh during the few holidays i ahve here before i come down to get arrested by some pot-bellied bastard.

(P.S: Sozzled englishmen are funnier. their accents get even more ridiculous and formal wehn they're drunk ;) )

Sisto said...

The first man flagged me down, and asked me to blow. (No pun intended)


and something tells me that Cool J is not studying in one of Tamil Nadu's better engineering colleges today.

P said...

Phleeez be continuing :)

Anonymous said...

it is ironic that i am keenly waiting fot the sequel..

- villain of the night

ps: tell them what the cop actually meant, when he asked you to blow :-)

pr@$#@nt# said...

usual diet of a drink, some chips and a few pretty faces.
Like most evenings in our beloved city, of the 3 ingredients, only the first 2 delivered.

You might not get pretty faces,you might not get ur usual diet of a drink, But my man, you ll always have some chips..c/o Desmond hudson(nationality:UAE)

Very funny post dude, you have a good sense of humour after all..
The first man flagged me down, and asked me to blow. (No pun intended)
That one cracked me up.. haha
very much waiting for the sequel

Anonymous said...

you turned out to be a soothsayer! the natural intelligence part was what was this years CAT all about! but there have been a few CAT where only the "muggu" types have made it!

how was ur CAT dude? i came here expecting some really hilarious article about CAT that would placate my misery!

nowadays CAT is more popular than Carmen Electra so id say write one more post postCAT.

Sudhir said...

Thank you Siddhu.

I'd rather get all my pubbing done in Edinburgh as well.

I probably would have been arrested for being considered "overtly sober" in edinburgh.

Sudhir said...

Yes Pisto, And something tells me, Nor we we :=

Sudhir said...

Yes P :-

And make no mistake, " You definitely will be invited "

Sudhir said...

Yes Sir,

It is also ironic that you have signed of as "Villain of the night".

Considering, that your full name has been disclosed quite prominently on the blog. :-

Sudhir said...

Nationality : U.A.E ???

Mr. D, will be most thrilled that he has been conferred the status of Nationality : U.A.E.

Last I heard, one of my "good friends" was picking him up from Kanchanchavady, which is next to Maduravoyal via Vanagaram.

Viddy wel

Sudhir said...

Mr. Anonymous,

Thank you.

My next post, should be a detailed post CAT rendition.

And no, CAT will never, and I mean ever become more popular than Carmen Electra.

akshay said...

i've had similar experiences.. but none told so well. nice one!

Ketaki said...

well if you were dressed anything like that picture, you wouldve easily got life!
lol.. nice post.. to think i found Distil too damn peaceful when i went there last.. perhaps i am mistaken! cops n all! interesting..! (of course it is interesting only when its happenin to someoone else!) :p

blow did he say? too much!

Sudhir said...

Hello there Ketaki,

The next time you do go to that peaceful pub, Distilled.

Do take yr tall good lookin friend along with you.

Oh, But Damn,He might reply "I'm not a pub kind of a guy."

pr@$#@nt# said...

You moron,shut ur ass ...watta one shit I said some ten million years back and you wanna keep pullin out the same shit all the time???Lol..btw,that was 3rd sem peelu, u know how we all have changed after that!!!

Da Rodent said...

These cop morons are really getting irritating these days. The night before diwali., a moron who caught me., wont book a case.. not would he let me go without giving him money. Fcker took me in his jeep to an ATM to collect the money.

Desperate asses.