I don’t know, how many of you have experienced the process of shifting jobs. I use the word process here, cause for those who haven’t it is a process, quite an exhausting one I might add.
Well firstly, you have to realize whether you really want to shift. What could the reasons be :
- Better Pay
- Better Pay
- Better work atmosphere ( Better Chicks)
But, that’s not what you can say at your interview now, can you ?
So, you come up with illuminating reasons. Some of them being:
- Looking for higher exponential learning across various verticals.
- Looking to increase exposure, for personal enrichment.
- Both together, with a straight face, making eye contact.
This could be difficult, if the interviewer is really ugly.
The actual process for job switching actually though, starts with you meeting up with a placement consultant. Now, a placement consultant is one, who is supposed to give you career advice, and is to help you with your next career move. So what, if all the career moves, they advice you to make are intrinsically related to the clients they are recruiting for.
To understand the psyche, of a placement consultant, is akin to understanding the psyche of the Gestapo , the German secret service.
Their normal, modus operandi of operation would be on the lines of this :
Recruiter : (In a deep whispering voice) Hello, May I speak to Mr.Suresh
Dedicated Employee : Mr.Suresh, stopped working here almost 3 months ago
Recruiter : May, I know who I’m speaking to ?
Dedicated Employee : This is Senior Manager, Ganesh.
(Two minutes later...Ring Ring)
Recruiter : Hello, May I speak to Senior Manager, Ganesh.
Confused Employee : Yeah, I just spoke to you.
Recruiter : Yes, Do you know that your former colleague Suresh is earning twice as much as you are , with perks including free Thai massages?
Astonished Employee : What, That son of a b^*$
Succesful Recruiter : Yes, this is my number. I will get you placed there, what’s more will make sure you get more intimate perks.
And that’s it, Ganesh no longer works with the same firm. The recruiter has just caused disarray at the firm, and in one smooth step has gotten further towards that promised Mauritian holiday for achieving her targets.
And the corporate world, still wonders why the rate of attrition is so high.
Though of course, between the sleuth like recruiter phone call and the final shift into your next firm, they are a number of other steps to be completed..
Firstly, and most importantly, there is the interview. How exactly, are you supposed to attend an interview for your future employer on your current employer’s time? The most obvious solution is to come up with some believable excuse, and escape from your office.
You enter your interview, and the first question you get.
How come you managed to get here, you don’t work on Tuesday afternoons?
Corny isn’t it. Then follows, the usual interview crap, where the interviewer tries his best to stretch the interview for atleast half an hour. To get a rough picture, you could click here.
And images of you sitting next to your current boss, and him getting a call, with a voice saying.
“Hello, this is to inform you that your team member plans to quit and leave you high and dry within a week. We would like to know, if he has abused you or anyone else in his stint at your company?”
You deftly dodge the Boss’s reference question, and a few days later, yippee! You have got an offer. Now, you would think that an offer letter, in one paper would tell you how much money will be put into your bank account at the end of the month, which would equate to what brand of whisky you would be drinking that evening.
But, its not that simple now is it. The term used here, is CTC or Cost to company, which basically equates to how much it is costing the company, for you to warm your fat ass in their corridors. The simple formula to calculate your End of month pay, or “Take home”as they call it, would be to divide the CTC by 2, knock of all 0’s at the end and then further divide by 12.
This rule, works well, unless lets say you’re working at Onyx, collecting and depositing garbage from
(More illuminating insights to continue...)